A lot of LGBTQ people of my generation were fortunate to be able to recognize and shape our real identities via blogs and social media. The main reason I was able to wake up to myself was the internet. But these are moments that many gay men experience, no matter where they were born. There were difficult moments when I was growing up, of course: those inexplicable palpations when I saw beautiful boys, the fluttered and overhyped talk of girls I’d expound upon to fit in with my peers, the personal embarrassment of being aroused by men in porn scrapped from every corner of the world. The truth is that I rarely felt in danger. Some people expect me to recount a grueling depiction of surviving in the crevices of a homosexual dystopia. After all, China’s ideological kin, Russia, has become emblematic of oppression towards the LGBTQ community. In totalitarian China, where everything is reined under the tight leash of the Communist Party, being part of the LGBTQ community shouldn’t be easy. This is often the first serious question I get when someone I’ve just met discovers I’m gay and grew up in mainland China. I understand their curiosity-the concept can seem almost oxymoronic. “What’s like growing up in China being gay?”
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